Driving Mr. Daisy.

I called my Dad on Thanksgiving knowing that my sister and her partner would be there. I was immediately put on the speaker phone so we could all converse. I was informed by my sister's partner that Dad was being difficult about the fact that they were all leaving in the morning for Tampa, where they would boarding a cruise ship to attend my cousin Eugene's wedding and then go on a seven day cruise with 22 family members; all people that we dearly love, including my niece and nephew. (I couldn't take time off for this cruise and I regret it, but it would have been career stupidity right now).

So my sister's partner, Chris is explaining for my benefit and my dad's... the reasons why he should want to go and in the background I hear my Dad say rather quietly but firmly, "I said that I wasn't going... and I meant it."

This cruise was booked over six months ago, and he has alternately said he was and was not going over a hundred times, but as recently as three days ago, he told my sister that he definately was going. Of course, reminding him of this has no effect, since he doesn't remember it.

I talked to him for a while. In his mind, he is seeing a "boat", which is a scary image for him; a small vessel rocking on the waves and filled with a lot of people who's names he should remember, but can't. I told him that the boat was more like a hotel and he wouldn't get seasick. I also talked about how his granddaughter Emma, would be really upset if he didn't show up (she would) and that he had a job to do; he was the "grandfather" and he had his part to play. The kids were counting on him being there because they love him. (Well, it's true.)

Then he said he was afraid that he would just be a burden to everyone and there were a few other things like that. We just told him that it was his duty, and I told him not to worry; everyone would love him and take care of him, all he had to do was go along. "You will be safe." I said. "You are just going to have to trust the people who love you. And we are not giving you a choice here; you have to do this and I promise you that you will have a good time."

All change in routine is hard for him now, although once it happens, he adapts very quickly. He'll have a good time. He has his own room on the ship, next to my brother, wife and kids and he'll get to hold the kids a lot. The food will be good and he will like that. But I think this may be one of the last times that we get him out of the "senior campus" where he now lives for any extended trip, especially if we tell him about it in advance. It's hard for him to think about future events, he lives in the moment so much now and the future, for him, is filled with so much uncertainty and confusion and anxiety.

I told my sister that they should have just gone to his place and packed his bag quietly the day before and then showed up the next day and said, "Hey, let's go for a ride in the car, maybe we'll go to the airport. As long as we're here, let's go see Emma and Evan, that would be fun! Don't worry, I sure we can get a flight..."

I know, it sounds kind of devious, but it works and he ends up having a good enough time and more important, his family, especially his grandkids, who love him unreservedly, get to spend some quality time with him, and we just don't know how much more of that is left to us.

I haven't heard from them, so I assume that they got my Dad on the plane yesterday morning. It may have been easy, or it may have been difficult; I totally love them both for doing it. It's harder for them than it is for me; my voice with him carries more authority, but I am far away and there's no way for me to be closer right now.

Looking over what I've written so far, well, it strikes me as rather la-de-da; what terrible problems we have! Having trouble getting old Dad on the cruise ship to spend time with the kids and family... son doing well in his new career, but far away... will Karen and Chirs and Dad make the plane in time? hehe, really, we are lucky to have such problems.

Work Related.

This week was Thanksgiving week and usually one of the busiest we have, but Monday and Tuesday were a bit off. People in New Orleans take a lot of their cues from the weather and it was warm for this time of year and humid, so they just weren't thinking "holiday". Tuesday night a front came through and by 9 AM Wednesday morning it was sunny and fifty something degrees. Suddenly, everyone woke up to the fact that it was the day before Thanksgiving and they needed to get stuff! We were totally slammed and did record numbers for the day, my department had the highest one day total in years. New Orleans is a funny place to do business, many of the usual rules do not apply...

My personal options within the company have opened up quite a bit and all of it is good, whichever way it works out. Some of the options involve travel, really excellent experience and possible relocation.

Other things...

Robert and I had a great Thanksgiving day at my boss's house. She's an amazing cook, there were lots of great wines and very good food, including a NY style cheese cake that was definitive! (It was better than mine, something I've never admitted to before!)

It was an interesting group, some people from work, some people who were friends of Amy and her partner, and a few other people who had no where else to go. It was certainly a very witty group; we laughed a lot! These were all intelligent people, each with an interesting sense of humor. For a sort of catch all holiday gathering, it was very successful and lots of fun. And, unlike all the other years when Robert hosted the meal next door and I cooked a few things to contribute... there were no dirty dishes to clean up at home!

Fabulous!

Travel.

Well, there's nothing until January when I go to Vegas to visit luca and spend time with all the boys from GayCams message boards at the "porn parties". We spend most of our time having lunch and dinner and going to shows, but we do get to go to some of the strangest parties... sort of like visiting the circus... lots of amazing and unusually sexy things to see, but then you get to go home. (Unless you decide to run away with the circus...)

After that, there may be quite a bit of work related travel... and I'll try to get to see my bro and the red headed kids. So far, no big trips planned; there's just too much on the horizen work-wise right now.

December 9, 2001.

That's the date that I started this journal, although there were some writings that happened before that and are still available on the site. The message board started at almost the same time, as did the cam. Frankly, I'm amazed that it's lasted this long; it's incredible to think that this is the beginning of the fourth year! I've made friends through this site and the GayCams message board... some of them very good friends; we've been though things together and done trips together and that has all been really wonderful and suprising. Who would have thought that this was such a great way to meet people?

Thanks to all of you who read this, (and there are quite a few of you; every month from over 40 countries and over 300 cities). Please feel welcome to join the group. It may seem that the people who post on the message board or on the Journal, all know each other and are part of a group, and well, it's because they are. But they didn't start that way; none of us knew each other before we started posting however many years ago. We got to know each other as we went along and it works...

You'll make friends, don't worry about the people that fuss at each other on the message board, they like to do that and you can join in or just be sweet, it's up to you.

But join in. Do.



durlx

Quick Update.

I didn't get the Allstar thing; just not enough business in our small store to make the mark, but there have been plenty of other things to make up for that and some new doors have opened.


Robert and I are going to Thanksgiving at the new place.


I am not going to make my cousins wedding in Tampa next Sunday (on the cruise ship), it just doesn't work out for a host of reasons. I'll visit them in February prolly.

Do watch the film Magnolia; it's amazing I think. Watch for the part when Aimee Mann's song "Wise Up" starts playing and the various characters are mouthing the words... It's a real film moment. And the very wierd thing that happens towards the end of the film is priceless.


durlx

Lucky Fourteen, a Stroke After Midnight.

City Mouse/Country Mouse...

I grew up in the bucolic country-side and just after I experienced puberty, I couldn't wait to get to town, Oh Ruby!

I mean, I had all of the country living stuff; nice old house, acres to play in, vast fields of corn, wheat, tomatoes and cabbages. Each of our families houses had a house garden full of fresh produce. (And along the edges of these house gardens, there were grape vines and raspberry bushes and strawberry patches). During the summer, it was an orgy of fresh!

(My Mom would put the water on to boil and when it was almost boiling, I would go to the garden and pick and shuck the sweetcorn, and then bring it in for her to cook when the water had hit full boil), which is the only way to prepare corn on the cob...

Where I lived as a child, there were also 80 acres of orchards; at least 10 varieties of apple trees over most of the area, but also plum trees, sweet and sour cherry trees, and the most incredible pear trees that I have ever seen.

It should have been bliss.

But it was wasn't, because there was something missing. If I had met a man then, even at the age of seventeen, a gay man who wanted this sort of country life and wanted to share it with me, I might have never left my home town.

But there was no such man.

So, I figured that my odds of finding someone would be better in a place with more people. And I was right about that, especially in a time before the internet...

I've spent a lot of time here in New Orleans, the "gay capital of the south", and the rewards were rich; two very intense relationships over a fifteen year period. The second with Bill, eight years, defintive of love and wonderful, although heart-breakingly shorter than it might have been, had to help him die, cared for him so much, but in the end failed to keep him alive. Felt like such a failure for a while.

When I think now about who I would like to be living with and where... I don't have a dream place anymore. (I've traveled a bit over the last three years and the places I've been, I like a lot, there are a lot of great places to live)... but it's the people I've met that count.

I
But there's got to be a new place, warm and cosy. Somewhere, with someone. I'm pretty sure of that. It's why I get up in the morning.

Other news...

I had a great week, lots of hours of work, but the pay off was worth it. Today, the regional president and the regional vice president came to visit and they were very, very happy with what they saw. They took lots of pics which will prolly be in the regional best practices e-mail to all the other stores and they both told me how much they liked what I had done.

It's always been a bit of a gamble, for me to go to the smallest store in our company, the oldest and smallest, and try to make my mark, but it seems to be working out well. I also had my job dialogue this week, with my store team leader; it was good. My regional coordinators sent the most incredibly flattering e-mails in support of my job review. They also recommended me for regional All Star Status, which is a big deal, especially since I have such a small store to work from.

And also...

I recommend the brand new blog of my poet friend Alex.

I had the good fortune to visit Alex in Santa Fe while traveling with my good friend Gary late last summer, and to walk across the bridge over the arroyo one morning on our way to breakfast. Alex lives in a charming place... and it's great to get updates from him now in blog fashion. He's a poet and an artist and a very good man.

Oh, and Thanksgiving...

Usually, I have the Thanksgiving meal next door with Robert and some friends. It's part of a tradition that spans over 18 years and started with our dear friend Margaret. She would always host Thanksgiving, (and Christmas Day and New Years Day), her parents would always be there and they were very nice people, so you would feel like your grand parents showed up at your gay party.... and who else would show up? Well, over the years there were many... some years it would be more like a large family group; her folks, a few older gay couples, (like your old gay aunt and auntie) and a bunch of the rest of us. One year, (fortunately it was a warm and pleasant Thanksgiving Day), there were over 75 people; both of the back yards were full and it was wonderful!

Other years there were ten or twelve people, but it was always Thanksgiving and there was a tradition.

Then Margaret died, (cancer), and Robert carried on the tradition. But we had lost some of the older folks... and Margaret's Dad passed away, and some of the younger guys...well, AIDS took them...

There were some new additions, the fabu Michelle for instance, but now she has a man... bitch! Hey, we very much like her man (they just closed on a house and you can't beat that with a stick)... but they will be somewhere else for turkey day. The few remaining.. also somewhere else so far.

So I told Robert that we have been invitited to a rather well done up-town house where all we have to do is bring something, and that could be food or a fabulous bottle or two of something, and I have access to that. It would be at the home of our store team leader, a work situation, but not really... just drop in, have a bite and a drink. There's no doubt that the food and wine will be fabulous; Amy is an stunning cook. And the house is cool, very old fashioned big mess, that they are constantly renovating.

Robert says "we'll see."


Furthermore...

Gary swears that he will never vote again! He even swears while he says that he will never vote again, at least I think that's what he said. My cell phone with all the free minutes kept losing it.

And my friends in Australia have "adopted" a young gay man in Romania...

There's a song that the Gypsies say is true!
That when your man wears golden earrings!
He will come to you!

HEY!

And on that silly note... I end.




durlx

So, I didn't go out Halloween night.

It was a depression thing... (sometimes, even ten years after Bills' death, this ritual of grief pops up like one of the stations of the cross...) and then, the next day I was depressed that I didn't go out... and then the next day was the Election... and then the next day was the day after... and the fukin day after that....

...well, then, after that, it all started to get better. Finally, the temps here dropped into the sixties, with (gasp!) high fifties at night, (I had to light the floor furnace!) The humidity dropped to below 50%, an event to celebrate in this moist town.

The dark piss lifted.

It was great to wake up in bed wrapped in layers of light blankets, head peaking out and feeling almost cold, then getting up and jumping around a bit, all chilly willy, ready to start the day.

Went to work with a purpose, reset a major portion of the department, made it look fresh... and we like fresh. And I have to do really great fresh now, since I got that MVP award.

So... there is the aftermath of this recent election.

Orleans Parish, (we have parishes here, not counties) went over 75% for Kerry, but of course, the state went for Bush. I think that there is a good case for having a North Louisiana and a South Louisiana, but even the greediest of our local pols probably think it's paring to much of the potato.

These are my recent posts about the election, and history... of course.

From a recent e-mail...

NOTICE FROM CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES /Afghanistan Cruise

We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W. Bush became President. With that in mind We have a Special Offer for those who still want to keep their promise. Attention Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell,Ed Asner,Whoppi Goldberg,Cher,Phil Donahue,Rob Reiner,Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda. Pierre Salinger, and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets, and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise "Elation" which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan. You may opt at no extra charge to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise. Please pack for an extended stay . . . at least four more years.

Well, it goes on a bit more...

Oh yeah. Just some more "nyah, nyah, nyah.... we won!" shit. Cheap and nasty as the last trailer park on earth.

It's time to learn to laugh at this and get over it, and regroup and refocus. Everyone says things in an election year that they have no intention of honoring, it's like playing poker, sometimes you bluff.I think politics used to be more like playing whist... I would hope that in the future it might be more like bridge perhaps... democracy is so messy, especially the way we practice it, like a Roman Republic, all blood and guts and fuck yer buddy and may the best man win as long as he gets away with it. We're such a big powerful country and even our poor people are richer than 98% of the rest of the world, so often we are blind to how the rest of the people in the world see us.

In every state that went for Bush there were still nearly half of the people who voted for Kerry. And there were some good people elected. It's time to pay close attention to what this administration is doing and to support those good people who are watching.

This is still a pimply adolescent country, we've barely passed puberty; it's no wonder we can't handle the marraige/commitment issues yet.



Here's a question: If this were Star Trek, who would we, the U.S. be?The Federation? The Borg? The Andorians? The Klingons? The Vulcans? The Ferengi?Don't laugh, these are all fictional versions of one kind of national character; they wouldn't have worked in fiction if they weren't valid in some way. So who would we be?

I think we are the Ferengi... no matter how much we wish we were the guys from the Federation... (and we are certainly not part of the Vulcan race, bwahahaha! Couldn't think our way out of a plastic bag from the 7/11!

So. Your comments please...

durlx