A Sort Of Memorial Day






I lost my dear friend Margaret to fuking cancer a little over a year ago.

She was a good friend to me for a long time; it's strange, but it's hard for me to think that's she's gone. It seems more like she's just been away somewhere for a while. And there's a reason for that; this woman had more stories to tell than anyone else I've ever known. We were supposed to sit down and write them all out one day. I think we both imagined that we'd be sitting in some lovely retirement situation, reminiscing over a drink and a drool-proof keyboard and typing it all out for the amusement of all.




The thing is, her life was as interesting as anything you might read in a novel. As strange and beautiful as anything John Irving might write. I'm starting a list of the stories that I remember. I hope I can actually get them all down.



But just to give you a brief sketch; Margaret was six feet tall with a Carolina accent and a tremendous sense or personal dignity, (she would say thee-a-ter in sophisticated company and no one would think to correct her pronounciation), and she just knew everybody. She was heterosexual, but had a hard time convincing the lesbian population of that fact because she was just so amazingly larger than life. And then, she hung around with all of us gay guys. Now, she wasn't a "fag hag", she had many male admirers, she didn't need us; she chose us because we were more fun. She worked the AIDS services phone lines, she helped with the benefits and supported all the gay Mardi Gras krewes. She was invited to every great party. And if there wasn't a great party that night, we'd go out with Margaret and make one. She was a force of nature.




So Robert told me it was time to go put some flowers on her grave over in Slidell, across Lake Pontchartrain. So we went yesterday. We left New Orleans about one on the afternoon, but any which way you drive, you drive over water; New Orleans is surrounded by water.



The bend in the Mississippi River near my house






We crossed the lake on the I-10, stopped for some flowers and then
went to the cemetery. It's called Forest Lawn...





I think it's important that you know that Robert took very good care of Margaret when she was sick. (The nurses thought they were a couple, he was always there with her and the nurses or orderlies wondered why the both of them looked horrified when asked if he would like to look at the sutures!) The thing is, they both had enough of a sense of humor to over ride the bad stuff, at least most of it. I've paid tribute, of a sort, to Robert in this journal before, but this time, I will say this: he was Margaret's best friend. It's a high honor, believe me.




After a while we left and had a late lunch at Taco Bell. I just love to go to these places every once and a while! It's like eating in an orbiting space station! If I hadn't seen the ads on TV, I wouldn't have had any idea what was offered on the menu... It tasted OK, the hot sauce wasn't hot enough, the Pepsi tasted sort of like Dr. Pepper. I really enjoyed it, I can't think why I didn't take a picture.



Then it was time to beat the rush hour traffic! There are four highways across Lake Pontchartrain and the I-10 span is the most bearable. (Don't ever use the Pontchartrain Causway, "The longest bridge in the world" because it looks just like this the whole way...)








Soon we were in sight of home, sweet home, New Orleans.





Not a bad day, all in all.



In fact it was a beautiful day.




Chat and Other News



There's a new poll about chat and the purpose is to see what might be a good day for everyone. (or if anyone is interested..). Do read the post that accompanies the poll, there is some good info there about how you might use the chat feature. Also, read up on the poll feature; it's very kewl and everyone can use it.




Also, do vote for the monkey name! You have until next weekend. (I wanted to have time to send the prize package to the winner before Easter).




If there is anything you are unhappy with on the site or anything you particularly like, do e-mail me about it. I like to see your comments and I do answer e-mail.

Mainstream Gay Media



I read a quote from an article yesterday that questioned whether the new gay TV networks that are being developed would cover the full spectrum of gay organizations and causes, or just the "mainstream" ones like HRC, GLAAD and the Log Cabin Club. I thought it was a good question. I don't know the answer, but I do know one thing; thirty years ago, the question could not have been asked. There wasn't much gay media then, let alone a "mainstream" of it. This was, of course, before VCR's and video tapes, personal computers and the internet; but back then gays had almost no representation in print and virtually none in television and films either.

The picture at the top is the kind of image one might find in a "physique pictorial", which you might find in a newstand in a large city, along with nudist magazines and the laughable "penis enlargement" mags, (Modern Penis Enlargement Techniques: A Philosophic Approach. -Fully Illustrated-). They were cheaply produced and printed, expensive and hard to find. Other than the fact that these publications featured pictures of naked men, there really wasn't anything gay about them. In fact, the subject of sexual orientation was carefully avoided.


There was one glossy source of beefcake in the 70's, After Dark, which billed itself as "The National Magazine of Entertainment". It covered the world of theater, dance and film and was aimed at the emerging gay market. There were usually a few arty nude photos of actors or dancers, but the word "gay" wasn't used. Still, the magazine provided lots of hints that there were gay people out there living interesting lives. The Advocate was just getting started around this time, but it was small and hard to get in most of the country; subscriptions were mailed in plain brown wrappers. The face of gay culture was simply not reflected by the media then; gays in most of the country had no idea just how many of us there were.

When I look back on that time, it's almost hard to remember how it was. I expect that younger people have a hard time imagining a time when gay images and gay news and gay television weren't available, when there was almost no place to go for affirmation and information. Or even to read a gay man's journal.


Now, the images are everywhere, or nearly so, and the process of "mainstreaming" has begun, as it will whenever a marketing department is involved. The major magazines and shows like "Will and Grace" and Queer As Folk" are commercial ventures and as such they try to appeal to the widest audience while offending the fewest potential members. It's the way things work. But I think we need to try to present the broadest possible picture of gay life; there's a lot of room at the table and we all know how it feels to be on the outside of things.

Personally, I still get a bit of a shock sometimes from a hot scene in a film or, say, QAF. I remember a time when it was almost unimaginable that such a thing would be shown. We've come along way in thirty years.